I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
id be glad to
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
