Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
