my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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