Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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