just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize