Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
