I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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