I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I AM VODKA MAN
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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