he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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