And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
