you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
