why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a search helicopter?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
