last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will be naked everywhere
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
