Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
