is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
