Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
