I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
