he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
