Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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