i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
