Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
