what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
