Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
