On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
