Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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