New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
