I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So. Much. Porn.
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