I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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