How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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