I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
