how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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