I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
