I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
