i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
