After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
