It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
