you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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