Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
