she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont even know how to be here
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
