I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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