So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize