Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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