I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize