he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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