those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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