I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
