I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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