I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
