I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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