i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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