Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
