if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
