Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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