some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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