Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
