I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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