We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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