just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
