Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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