Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
