i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
