While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
