3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
