I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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