we have officially lost it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
