so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's the barista slut.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
