I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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