if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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