I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
