just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
