My underwear smells like fireworks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
