Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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