Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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