Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize