yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
